Moriah Murray

This One I'm Not Sure About

Wed, 15 May 2013 17:53:48 -0600

This post is either going to be a massive complain sesh or a profound life lesson revelation. We’ll see as it unfolds. This blog is becoming a means for me to work out my feelings, so who knows what’ll happen.

Allow me to preface this with a little (not actually little) description of the way I’ve lived life, and something I’ve recently discovered is different in (apparently) a sizeable population of people:

I’ve almost never gotten help with homework. Literally never after 3rd grade. I figured it the hell out on my own. I won science fairs by myself after that 3rd grade one in which my mother glued the fabric on the board, and stayed up all night keeping me awake. (Thank you, because I got second. Above higher grade kids. You know it.) I did the FAFSA by myself. I learned how to pay taxes and invest and start bank accounts by myself, and I can’t even do a few of those things yet. I applied for college by myself. Scholarships, too. My mother proofread ONE of my high school papers, and she missed a ton of things that were found by college friends, so I’ve never gotten that help again, because I didn’t need it. I don’t expect my parents to help me after eighteen, despite the fact that loans scare the bejeezus out of me. I don’t intend to come home over summer breaks. I can cook, sew, iron, do laundry, coupon, care for children, and do many MANY crafty things, most of which I learned on my own. When I’m a grown-up, I’ll be a grown-up, because I’ve been doing reasonable chunks of it this entire time. I could plausibly move out right this second (or years ago) and while it would be really hard, I wouldn’t fail. I could do it. I know things.

The thing I’ve recently learned is that this is not the norm. While there are people like Stephanie Barnes who’ve pretty much kicked life in the tookus and done everything since before graduating high school all the while looking fabulous, there are TONS of kids who get monthly checks when they’re living away. Every person I talked to in my touring group at UH was having college FULLY paid for by their parents. All of them. They didn’t even know how much it actually cost. They were surprised when I told them just how much in loans I would have to take out (before I even knew how much I’d REALLY have to take out) and they just chose which college to go to by what they liked. They were also surprised I couldn’t afford WSU because they were under the impression that it was cheap.
It’s not.

I would be at University of Chicago or Yale or something if I could just choose what I wanted in life and it would be given to me. I would have been there a year ago.

I’m at that stage in life where you start becoming infantile again to avoid the sh*tstorm that’s about to happen, and in doing so, I’m being as jealous as jealous can be of all the people that get that much help with life.

The ones who get money every week. The ones whose parents do their applications for them, the ones who were handed nice cars, whose parents will continue to pay insurance on it til they’re ancient, etc.

Yes that’s an exaggeration. Is it completely wrong? Not even close. I literally have fewer friends who are in the same no-help boat as me than ones who are getting fully taken care of.

And I don’t know yet which is more effective! Because everyone in the generations before me that I’ve ever talked to hasn’t gotten any of this magical load of help. There is nothing for me to work off of, that I can find. I won’t know how I want to deal with my kids ‘til I see where we all end up in a few years. (Which I guess is convenient timing? IDK.) I’m ungrateful to want the things that my peers have because my family never had it, and simply because it’s not going to happen for me, but I see them reaping the benefits every day, and it sucks sometimes.

The thing is, I’m aware that I don’t want to be that kid who doesn’t know how to do laundry. I know I’d rather write my own papers, because frankly, they’re better. (My parents are good at like, computers and health and things. Not writing eloquent papers. Or teaching anything math. Praise be to the Lord that they didn’t homeschool.) And I know for a fact I’ll be fine eventually, because I’m smart and I’m going to make it better than okay, with a lofty income. The loans I have now will be chump change.

The trouble is living in fear until that point, because debt makes me anxious.

I suppose if that’s all I’m afraid of, then I don’t really need to be afraid - because of the previous explanation. The bachelor’s degree I’m getting will land me jobs in the $50,000-$70,000 range straight out of college. With my MD I can make up to $200,000 a year. Education is absolutely a worthwhile investment.

That DOES make me feel better. :)

-Moriah

I Hate the Word Fat

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:51:49 -0600

I really do. I know euphemisms don’t really do anything but make things sound nicer, but calling people mean names doesn’t do anything but make you an a**hole.

There’s no reason to ridicule people for what they look like or choose to do. Ever. There’s also no reason to judge them for it, negatively. Judging meaning making preconceived and one-sided ideas about them, not judging as in sizing up positively/who you think they MIGHT BE.

I’ve recently realized JUST HOW MANY people would refuse to date someone (or be friends with them even) over something as small as 5-10 pounds. People who are beautiful/handsome to no end, and talented, and intelligent, that are only a little squishy in the tummy. Everything else is right! And I’ve realized that I used to think like that, attractiveness-wise, and I was so wrong.

It’s taken me gaining weight and keeping it for pretty much no reason (I take care of myself. I move around, I eat good foods, etc.) other than that it’s how I’m built, to come to a point where IDGAF whether someone has lean muscle when deciding who to date. It’s a nice bonus, sure, but what’s important is “the person, not what they look like.” - Fat Albert :)

I’ve heard members of my own family, who are ALSO OVERWEIGHT, call people disgusting because of their size, and speculate about their ability to adequately have sexual relations. Since when are people gross? Since when was it okay to look at someone who (depending on your beliefs) was created by GOD (or defeated all odds to be born, because that’s a feat) and make them out to be less than you because of their stored energy? I’m getting all worked up, haha.

I just got to thinking, “I have absolutely wonderful great grandparents, who were (are) married forever. What if they’d gotten bored, or just weren’t attracted to each other anymore (BECAUSE EVERYONE GAINS WEIGHT OR GETS SOFT WHEN THEY GET OLD), and got divorced like everyone else seems to be doing? I wouldn’t have seen the kind of love that builds up in over seventy years and know what I want for myself. I wouldn’t know that those sorts of relationships exist.”

Those people that won’t even say maybe to someone because of a few extra pounds are the same hypocritical S’s O B’s that aren’t going to be attracted to their spouses when they age. The same type of people who cheat because “oh, they let themselves go, I deserve someone attractive”.

I don’t WANT to date that person. So it’s GOOD that they make it clear in the beginning.

We live in a world that is SO superficial, that sometimes we forget to look at who the PERSON is, rather than the body that’s carrying them. We also forget that everyone is beautiful to someone, and everyone is someone’s child, someone’s sister/brother, someone’s parent. There are people that love them, who would chop my proverbial balls off if I said things like that aloud in their presence.

I’ve started trying to remember that every time someone pisses me off, and I feel like thinking they’re bad people. It’s hard, but it’s worth it.

<3
Moriah

scientificillustration: Vertex III by Richard...

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:49:12 -0600

scientificillustration:

Vertex III by Richard Allen

http://cargocollective.com/ric/Vertex-III

Lolol up to this point I had 69 posts.

Wed, 08 May 2013 16:55:08 -0600

Lolol up to this point I had 69 posts.

What Irks Me Today: Ill Logic That Makes Me Ill

Wed, 08 May 2013 16:53:16 -0600

I’m going to come right out and say that I have a burning hatred for people who are incapable of understanding logical fallacy.

It’s true.

Like, I can understand not knowing the term for whatever it is you’re doing wrong, but instinctively you should know when you’re leaving huge gaps in argumentation.

(Okay, maybe I don’t hate the people. I’m just frustrated to no end with what they do.)

For instance, false analogies. They abound. Everywhere. And I point it out, and they DON’T UNDERSTAND. Apparently when people don’t understand things, most of them don’t TRY TO UNDERSTAND, they walk away dismissing me as ignorant or wrong because they DIDN’T UNDERSTAND.

Which also pisses me off. If I don’t get what you’re saying, I’m going to figure out what the heck it is you’re saying, even if it takes me forever. I don’t walk away thinking “oh, I must be right, because I don’t understand what she said”. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE.

Here’s some paraphrased conversation from earlier today.

Moriah: Well, I could have taken all standard classes and easily gotten a 4.0, but instead I chose rigor and learning. I didn’t have to. We get the same diploma.
***: That’s not going to pay off when you go looking for jobs, though. Or getting into college.
Moriah: Me and my 3.7 with rigorous classes to colleges seems to be equal to a 4.0. There’s not really a difference other than that the other way is way easier.
***: I had to list my classes to get a job.
Moriah: Your college classes, not your high school classes. That’s not the same thing.
***: Yes it is.

…*insert internal fury here*…

Moriah: I knew a kid who got into Harvard or something just by being good at sports. He took all standard classes. It’s the same dang diploma.
***: Well he exceeded at standard classes. And colleges want athletes.
Moriah: THAT’S MY ENTIRE POINT. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TAKE HARD CLASSES TO GET INTO COLLEGE.
***: He was an all around good student, though.
Moriah: No, standard classes are stupid. You don’t learn anything in them. He wasn’t a good student by virtue of not challenging himself, but he got into Harvard. All he did was sports.
***: Yes he was. Cause he was an athlete. He was well rounded.
Moriah: I was awesome in debate, in a touring choir, had 7 years of theatre under my belt… am I not well rounded? And I ALSO took the hard classes.
***: Athleticism is what they care about. That’s what makes someone well rounded.

*Moriah goes into room, throws something, and screams into the abyss*

I hear things like this from people EVERY DAY and every day they walk away from such conversations continuing to say things like that because they just IGNORE EVERY SINGLE POINT I EVER MAKE.

I swear to you all, I’m going to have to marry someone who was/is a successful debater/lawyer/philosophy major, or debate them in something before we go on a second date, just so I can stand to be around them.

End rant.
-Moriah

Hi, my name’s Moriah, and I just found out today that my...

Tue, 07 May 2013 17:22:01 -0600

Hi, my name’s Moriah, and I just found out today that my AP calc test is tomorrow. Guess who couldn’t remember how to do anything in class, even though I know I know it? #fml

vincereauimori: mrsmelchiorgabor: the year is 2053. a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg...

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:42:16 -0600

vincereauimori:

mrsmelchiorgabor:

the year is 2053. a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg boots. ‘I was born in the wrong generation’ she sighs as she listens to taylor swift and cries over a one direction poster.

some kids are actually gonna be like this you do realize that

SHAME
SHAME
SHAME

life: Unsettling photographs taken inside a psychiatric...

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:38:43 -0600

life:

Unsettling photographs taken inside a psychiatric hospital in 1938.

Caption from LIFE. “Continuous-flow bath is the best method for calming excited mental cases. With their bodies greased, the patients can remain in the baths for hours, gradually fall asleep.”

(Alfred Eisenstaedt—Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images)

Photo

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:35:54 -0600

Photo

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:30:12 -0600

brachiotomy: So I went to Goodwill today and Good[marketing...

Mon, 06 May 2013 23:28:09 -0600

brachiotomy:

So I went to Goodwill today and

Good[marketing strategy]will

ERMERGERSH LERV

Mon, 06 May 2013 21:29:00 -0600

There’s so much love stuff all over the interwebs. Really. It’s ridiculous. My single heart just can’t take it.

JK. I actually am okay with being single right now, which is super weird for me. Mostly because I just feel very comfortable that at the right time, some wicked awesome guy will come along and be perfect and things. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acYDNlMYAaI) I have time to keep thinking that. However, all this frou frou nonsense made me think about what love actually is to me. Romantic love, marriage love, the between-two-people kind. Here’s a list, so that when I do start dating again, I can just send the guy a link on Facebook, and cut out a few weeks of dating - straight to this excellence (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn2r11gYShM):

-Being comfortable in silence. Knowing each other well enough that you don’t have to talk all the time and that quality time can frequently just be their presence.

-In the same vein, doing things together most of the time. Most IS a key word there.

-Not fighting. Arguing, perhaps. Bickering, teasing, etc., yeah, whatever. Fighting? NO. Some clarification of terms:
Arguing - providing logical reasoning for a standpoint and comparing the two different standpoints. Compromise preferred. Frustration optional.
Bickering - being a whiney little b**** because you just can sometimes, but both parties know that it’ll be over very quickly, and it’s not their fault.
Teasing - sarcastic fun poking that isn’t harmful.
Fighting - yelling, physically harming, taking the low road verbal attack wise, etc. THIS IS A BAD THING IT HURTS YOU AND YOUR KIDS JUST FREAKING DON’T DO IT OKAY

-Pitching in with housework and children and such cause you love them. Not saying “no” and sitting on the couch cause it’s “not your job”. If you both get things done quickly, then there’s time left over for other things to which TV can’t compare. ;) (Obviously bike riding in the park, get your mind out of the gutter.)

-Trying reasonably to look good.
(But also being okay with both of you looking like C.R.A.P. - because that’s allowed to happen. And will happen.)

-*Insert large amounts of virtual food here because we all know food is made with love. Especially cookies and bread. Also the recipe for a Krabby Patty, which explicitly includes a cup of love.*

-Babying that kid like, well, a baby, when they’re sick. By both people. None of this, “Oh, my dear lady friend, you must get over it when you’re really sick, but when I get a tiny cold, the entire world will just have to stop.”

-With that one, offering a warning when you’re on your period. And not getting offended when she’s on her period. Just buy some ice cream and lay low for a week. It’s much easier that way, promise.

-Hugs. No more explanation needed on that one. I <3 hugs. They’re pretty much the greatest display of affection. That and holding hands. Does that sound like a twelve year old said it? Oh yeah, I don’t care. Because I’ve seen some of the most adorable adult couples in the world participating frequently.

-Caring about what your object of affection cares about. You don’t have to know anything about it, or enjoy it really, but don’t put them down over it. Acknowledge their love for it. BOTH WAYS. It’s very hard to care about things you have very little interest in when you don’t have someone doing the same for you.

-Lots of other specific things, that would just make this post drag on. :)

TL;DR - Focusing on the other person, knowing/caring about their needs/wants, food, physical touch.
Simple enough, right?

Love (haha, yeah, had to do it),
Moriah

****Please excuse my frequent YouTube video placement. I’m having a movie reference kinda day.

An Ode To the Little Things

Sat, 04 May 2013 00:00:00 -0600

Except not really an ode. Because there’s no way in the Secret Garden that I’m going to write poetry with looming AP exams.

I write this because I realized on the way home from Food Lion that grocery shopping (with a reasonable amount of money) is truly one of my favorite things to do in this world. Some people like clothes shopping - and I do sometimes too - but clothes JUDGE YOU. People in the store judge you for your choices. You judge yourself for how you look AND your choices. Food don’t judge, friends.

Well. You may get some judgment from others if you buy thirteen gallons of Blue Bunny. But then you can forget about that while you butter pecan your sorrows away.

Anyway, speaking of junk food, that’s not what I buy for my enjoyment purposes (no, I buy other things (;). When at fast food places, I’m more like Blue Bunny girl, but in grocery stores that have a freaking rainbow of plant reproductive organs, that’s what I go for.

A. It’s super cheap. Calorie to cent wise, yes, food stamp researchers, junk food IS cheaper, but volume and nutrition to cent wise? SO MUCH DEAL COMES FROM FRESH THINGS.
B. Because of A, I can buy a lot. Which makes me haaaappppyyy. I came home today (on $21.47) with a bag of large shrimp, 4 kiwis, 4 Roma tomatoes, about a quarter of a cabbage head (they gave it to me free cause I wanted what other people ripped off muahaha), a yellow squash, 2 zucchini, pad thai noodles and seasoning, a red bell pepper, many bean sprouts, sliced baby bella mushrooms, and joy. With some pasta and such I have at home, I have minimum 10 servings of food. Don’t even tell me college kids have to eat ramen. They only have to eat ramen if all they know how to work is a microwave. Which makes college meal plan pricing very clearly a pile of BS that I will not continue after freshman year.

See? Simple things. I, Moriah Murray, derive great pleasure out of selecting fruits and vegetables. Meats, cheeses and dairy too. (A guy actually asked me to help him pick a lime tonight because he said I looked like I knew what I was doing, perusing all that fruit hahaha. He’d never done it before, apparently.) Having simple decisions that really have no negative consequences and can only bring positives is the most soothing thing ever, especially now that people (very much including me) are having to run themselves dry with tough decisions.

I also enjoy sitting in the aisles of Books a Million just smelling the paper, where I found a book in which a man wrote down things that made him happy for some ridiculous amount of time. Many years. Every day. And it was awesome, because they weren’t like “ohoho, I enjoy my frequent vacations to my private island”, they were things like argyle sweaters and, well, the smell of paper.

So, revelation to me in the driver’s seat of a Chevy Tahoe (which I am not getting in the future, so loud) that I will share with you: don’t dread everyday things like buying food, doing laundry, etc. They’re so much more fun when you want to be there, and are singing while you do them.

XOXO and Stuff,
Moriah

Altering it to make a trapeze hem. Might also have to make it...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:16:17 -0600

Altering it to make a trapeze hem. Might also have to make it short sleeved cause my arms are too thick for the long ones. :( #wrongshoes #rightdress #thoselegsthough

#senior #prom #dress #under4dollars #artdecofeelin...

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:12:38 -0600

#senior #prom #dress #under4dollars #artdecofeelin #thanksgoodwill #nofilter

Never before has a Spotify ad been more excellent. I am so glad...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 21:04:34 -0600

Never before has a Spotify ad been more excellent. I am so glad I got to hear this beauty.
….
BEAUTY

Not like I’m belting this in my empty house or anything.

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:46:36 -0600

Not like I’m belting this in my empty house or anything.

THIS IS REAL LIFE #tattoo #ortattooine #mostlynaked #leia #rebel...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 20:28:37 -0600

THIS IS REAL LIFE #tattoo #ortattooine #mostlynaked #leia #rebel #bothherandme #nerdjokes #pleasetellmeyougotthem #iknowtheyrebad

Down two pants sizes without losing pretty much any weight? That...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 14:10:11 -0600

Down two pants sizes without losing pretty much any weight? That means my poor little atrophied muscles are coming back. YES. #juniorsclotheswhat #datass

#new #glasses #nomakeup #asalways #besttimetoweara #stripedhat...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 17:31:20 -0600

#new #glasses #nomakeup #asalways #besttimetoweara #stripedhat #allthetime #yolo #swag #hashtag #2cool #fromtheBronx #norealsentenceshere